Envy and Jelousy . . .

I love to read. I will read just about anything. I recently read an article that I found very, very interesting and thought I would share some of the highlights. It dealt with jealousy and envy.



Jealousy is normal in almost every aspect of our lives. It is an emotion we feel toward people and relationships and possessions. There are times I see couples walking in the park holding hands and I get the “I wish I could have that with someone” feeling. Or I see that gorgeous woman sitting at a table and all I can think is “I love her shoes” . . .or my friend tells me she is going to Vegas for the weekend . . . "I am so jealous... I wish I could have that . . .”


Envy is a negative emotion based on self-comparison.  I think to some extent we all compare ourselves to others. Many take it to the “keeping up with the Joneses” level where they feel the need to have what everyone else owns or possess to be happy or have self worth. They envy the material possessions but can also envy emotional traits such as happiness or “social status” which are deemed better than what they have achieved.  They envy past relationships because they are scared what he had with her is better than what he will ever have with you. 


Here is a quote from the article I read:


“"But to feel jealous you need not have any sense of what that third party is like," notes Smith. Envy, on the other hand, derives from the basic fact that so much of the spoils of life come from how we compare to others. It arises when another person possesses some trait or object that you want, and includes a mix of discontent, a sense of inferiority, and a frustration that may be tinged with resentment.”


We can be jealous of people and what we THINK they have and how it is somehow superior to our own situation. In reality how well do we really know the other persons true story? That sweet couple walking in the park holding hands may be taking their last stroll before he tells her he wants a divorce. That friend who is going to Vegas may be traveling to escape some family trouble she does not want to discuss.  Would I still be jealous knowing all of this?


As I thought on the aspect of envy I can honestly say that there are very few things that I envy – now. A few years back I was very envious of many things that other people had in their life. But now, I don’t feel that way. What is the difference? I finally found ME again. I quit trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be. I realized my own self worth. I quit counting everyone else’s blessings and started to count my own.


“Envy comes from people’s ignorance of, or lack of belief in, their own gifts.” – Jean Vanier


There will always be those who attempt to destroy your happiness but I think it is far sadder when we destroy our own by allowing negative emotions to control our lives. Why dwell on things we have no control over? Why compare what you have now with what you think others have or had? Why not chose to be happy and quit comparing? I know I have and can honestly say my life is better now than it has ever been.


I think Ralph Waldo Emerson says it best – Envy is Ignorance.