Envy and Jelousy . . .

I love to read. I will read just about anything. I recently read an article that I found very, very interesting and thought I would share some of the highlights. It dealt with jealousy and envy.



Jealousy is normal in almost every aspect of our lives. It is an emotion we feel toward people and relationships and possessions. There are times I see couples walking in the park holding hands and I get the “I wish I could have that with someone” feeling. Or I see that gorgeous woman sitting at a table and all I can think is “I love her shoes” . . .or my friend tells me she is going to Vegas for the weekend . . . "I am so jealous... I wish I could have that . . .”


Envy is a negative emotion based on self-comparison.  I think to some extent we all compare ourselves to others. Many take it to the “keeping up with the Joneses” level where they feel the need to have what everyone else owns or possess to be happy or have self worth. They envy the material possessions but can also envy emotional traits such as happiness or “social status” which are deemed better than what they have achieved.  They envy past relationships because they are scared what he had with her is better than what he will ever have with you. 


Here is a quote from the article I read:


“"But to feel jealous you need not have any sense of what that third party is like," notes Smith. Envy, on the other hand, derives from the basic fact that so much of the spoils of life come from how we compare to others. It arises when another person possesses some trait or object that you want, and includes a mix of discontent, a sense of inferiority, and a frustration that may be tinged with resentment.”


We can be jealous of people and what we THINK they have and how it is somehow superior to our own situation. In reality how well do we really know the other persons true story? That sweet couple walking in the park holding hands may be taking their last stroll before he tells her he wants a divorce. That friend who is going to Vegas may be traveling to escape some family trouble she does not want to discuss.  Would I still be jealous knowing all of this?


As I thought on the aspect of envy I can honestly say that there are very few things that I envy – now. A few years back I was very envious of many things that other people had in their life. But now, I don’t feel that way. What is the difference? I finally found ME again. I quit trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be. I realized my own self worth. I quit counting everyone else’s blessings and started to count my own.


“Envy comes from people’s ignorance of, or lack of belief in, their own gifts.” – Jean Vanier


There will always be those who attempt to destroy your happiness but I think it is far sadder when we destroy our own by allowing negative emotions to control our lives. Why dwell on things we have no control over? Why compare what you have now with what you think others have or had? Why not chose to be happy and quit comparing? I know I have and can honestly say my life is better now than it has ever been.


I think Ralph Waldo Emerson says it best – Envy is Ignorance.

Can You Smell That?

It always amazes me how hearing a song can bring back a specific moment in time. I went to the Journey concert last night with my sister in law and we had a wonderful time.  With every song that was played, it took me back to some point in my adolescence.  Music can be the bridge between the present and past and I truly believe music can convey things that words alone cannot convey.

As I remembered these moments it seemed interesting to me that these memories were also accompanied by a strong sense of smell.  When I think back to my happiest moments in my childhood I cannot remember all the details but the one thing I can remember vividly are certain smells.  My grandmother’s house was always warm but it had the most amazing aroma when you walked in the door.  It was like a cross between chicken and noodles and apple pie.    When I smell tobacco and rubber/oil the presence of my father washes over like a tidal wave.  When I smell cow manure (I know gross) it reminds me of life in OK as a child.  

I have a very poor sense of smell in general and I cannot smell many things.  Skunks, bodily functions and natural gas escape my olfactory senses.  However I can smell people and I am not talking about their perfume or cologne.   Everyone seems to have their own scent.  I am not talking about foul, I have not showered in days odor, I am talking about that unique smell that everyone has.   My brother and mother smell the same to me.  My daughter and her father also have the same smell to me.  When Madison would get ill as a child, I could always tell when she had a fever because her scent became very different.  It is odd, however, I cannot for the life of me smell my son and that makes me rather sad.  I am guessing this is because he and I have the same smell.

These sudden rushes of memories are not always pleasant.  The smell of cherry reminds me of the fluoride I swallowed at the dentist office and I got very sick.  The smell of Captain Morgans transports me back a particular bar in OKC where I wound up tying my hair back with toilet paper and was dubbed Charmin for the rest of the evening.  

Regardless, I enjoy the times of reflection, good and bad.  I think my favorite smells in the entire world are: puppy breath, freshly mown grass and rain.  What smells make you remember?

Little Known Facts About Me . . .

I am trying to blog more regularly but there are times I have a difficult time coming up with a topic.  I usually try to make mental notes when something happens to make that a blog topic but when I actually have time to write, the note has disappeared.  So, I thought I would just list some random facts about me that most people probably do not know.

I think I have ADD as well as a mild case of OCD . . . or CDO (the letters should be in order).  Sadly, I am pretty sure I have passed these traits on to Andrew.  Maddie seems pretty normal thank God.

I have mild hearing loss in my right ear and when in loud, hectic places I tend to only hear all the background din and have to resort to some lip reading to make sure I understand what is said.  So, if you are ever talking to me and I turn my head slightly, I am not ignoring you, I am just trying to hear you.

My normal body temperature is around 96.7 degrees.  Both Madison and Andrew have average body temps that are similar to mine.  However, I tend to be very warmed natured – while most people are cold or cool . . . well, I feel like I have some type of internal oven blasting.  I have been this way since I was a little girl. 

I do not care for sweets.  I do not eat many things like ice cream, doughnuts, cakes, cookies or anything that requires syrup.  In fact, the smell of syrup makes me want to throw up.  I do however, have an unnatural love of french fries and chicken wings. 

I played basketball in high school.  While I am only 5’2”, I was very good at shooting 3 point shots and handling the ball.  I also played softball, golf and ran track.  

I have never sang karaoke.  Although, I have been caught on numerous occasions singing in my office.  

I prefer metal and old rock to country and pop.  

I always wanted to have 5 children . . . all boys so I could have my own basketball team.  I am thoroughly happy with my two wonderful children I have now.  

Growing up I was teased relentlessly because of my very curly hair.  I also sucked my thumb until I was 13 . . . which intensified the teasing.  

I have a fear of loosing all my teeth and have nightmares on a regular basis of this happening. 

Hope you have learned something new about me.  And if there is anything you want to know, all you have to do is ask . . . 

Go Quietly . . .

Recently I was asked if I could go back in time to just one point and do it all over again, would I and what point would it be? This is a tricky question but I love things that really make my wheels turn.

Most people would assume I would go back and take away the decision to marry. If I chose to say no to Clifton, then I would not have my two beautiful children. Even though our marriage did not make it, I genuinely think he is a good person. While my second marriage has left me scarred more than I could ever imagine, I would not go back and say no to that either. The same actions that resulted in the scars have also allowed me to grow in a way I would never have been able to do on my own.

There are times I can remember such as car accidents, too much to drink, that awful dress I wore to the Snow Ball in high school or wasting a week on preparing a report that never was sent out because it deemed “Not Needed After all”. But these seem trivial and not worthy of my only time travel experience.

There is only one time I can really think of that would justify revisiting. There was a certain man in my past who should have been one of those people that you admire and look up to. He was a man of “authority” but he was also a man of many demons it would seem. While I made a stand for myself against him, ultimately I was asked by “the powers that be” to keep it quiet and he would be taken care of swiftly as to not cause any embarrassment to myself or the school. I stayed quiet and he moved on to another school, where he ultimately ended up doing the same thing to other girls. In the end, he ended up at two difference schools and at some point served some time in the pokey where I can only hope he received his just deserts.

Now, I am not saying I would go back in time to take away what he did to me. I am saying I would go back in time but not allow him to go quietly. Why? Because apparently that is how we got him – the girl (s) before me stayed quiet. Had I chosen to speak up maybe I would have been the last one.

So, if you ever wonder why I am not the “quiet” type . . . well, I have tried that and I find that speaking up is better for everyone. Sometimes the truth may not be easy to say or hear but it is better to be truthful than allow the lie to continue . . .

9-11

Today is a hard day for America.  I lived in Dallas when the towers went down.  I was at work gathered in the conference room with my coworkers and we all sat in silence and watched as the second plane hit the tower.  My kiddos were very young at the time and were at daycare.  Their father was leaving that morning to fly to Washington to visit his brother.  I tried to call him to make sure he was okay and at least on his way but for over an hour I could not get in touch with him.  I knew his plane was not taken but it made me think of all those poor children who were going to be without their mothers and fathers or sisters and brothers.  How heart breaking to have the footage of their death out there for the entire world to see - over and over again.   I ended up picking Cliff up at the airport that day then I went and picked up the kids from daycare.  I remember just wanting to hug them and never let them go.  

I am sure that we all take a second look now when we see a plane in the sky and we all remember that infamous day.  I pray for those who lost someone.  I pray that we as a nation will never have to face something of that nature again.  My heart is heavy today and I pray for peace - let us all remember what is truly important in this crazy world.