Double Take

A friend of mine from Austin and I were having a conversation the other day about “Double Standards”.  Both she and I are single and it irritates us both that men can go out and date as many women as they want and have multiple partners but if a woman dates more than one man she is labeled a “whore”.  Now, I am not much of a dater myself but I find the double standard irritating none the less.  But this got me to thinking of other double standards that are out which are just as irritating.

1. Why is okay for two women to be together romantically but it is frowned upon for men?
2. How can a man and woman be in the same position at work yet the woman is generally paid less?
3. If a man takes charge and speaks his mind he is assertive but if a woman does the same she is a bitch.
4. You insist your significant other doesn’t speak or have any type of communication with their ex but it’s okay for you to talk and even hang out or dine with yours.
5. Multiple partners – he’s a stud and she’s a slut.
6. If a man asks a question of his partner he is concerned but if a woman asks she being nosey?
7. When you drive assertively or aggressively it is okay but if someone else does they are being an ass?
8. You expect someone to be civil to you even when you treat or judge them unfairly?
9. If a man dresses nice he’s deemed high quality or affluent but a woman who dresses impeccably is thought of as high maintenance.
10. Why is okay for a man to date a woman 10 years his junior but a woman is looked down upon typically?

These are just some of the things that make me wonder what in the hell is wrong with society today.

TV Wars . . .

Living with an almost 12 year old boy and a 13 and half year old girl poses many challenges. One of the biggest issues we face is control of the TV. This confuses me too because we have two large TV’s in our home. One is in the living room and is 55” and the other is up stairs at 62”. The one upstairs is in a media room and this room can be completely shut off from the rest of the house so you go up there an turn the darn thing up as loud as you like. Regardless, the TV in the down stairs living area always seems to be the “golden child”. I rarely get involved in the “what are we going to watch” discussions because I honestly do not watch that much TV. There are certain times I exercise my mommy rights and take control of the remote but that typically involves a Cowboy football game (Dallas or OSU) or the Rangers playing. When the arguments break out on who gets to decide and I suggest someone go upstairs and watch their show or even go lay in my bed and relax but I get shot down with responses of “this TV is bigger” or I like the couch down here better. Well, the TV upstairs is in all actuality bigger than the one down stairs and need I remind you we nicknamed the couch upstairs the “comfy couch” for a reason. But the battles rage on . . . .


Last night I decided to settle down in my room and watch the Ranger game because when I walked through the living room the kids were both watching the same show and everyone seemed at peace. So, I threw the dogs into bed and we snuggled down to watch the game. Then the oddest thing occurred . . . within10 minutes Andrew wanders into my room and decides to sit on the foot of the bed and watch the game. Within the next 5 minutes Madison has claimed the passenger side of the bed. I thought she got bored a few minutes in because she got up and left . . . but promptly returned with the laptop in hand. So for the next 3 hours we all watched the game, in my room on the smallest TV in the house . . . I just don’t get it.

Envy and Jelousy . . .

I love to read. I will read just about anything. I recently read an article that I found very, very interesting and thought I would share some of the highlights. It dealt with jealousy and envy.



Jealousy is normal in almost every aspect of our lives. It is an emotion we feel toward people and relationships and possessions. There are times I see couples walking in the park holding hands and I get the “I wish I could have that with someone” feeling. Or I see that gorgeous woman sitting at a table and all I can think is “I love her shoes” . . .or my friend tells me she is going to Vegas for the weekend . . . "I am so jealous... I wish I could have that . . .”


Envy is a negative emotion based on self-comparison.  I think to some extent we all compare ourselves to others. Many take it to the “keeping up with the Joneses” level where they feel the need to have what everyone else owns or possess to be happy or have self worth. They envy the material possessions but can also envy emotional traits such as happiness or “social status” which are deemed better than what they have achieved.  They envy past relationships because they are scared what he had with her is better than what he will ever have with you. 


Here is a quote from the article I read:


“"But to feel jealous you need not have any sense of what that third party is like," notes Smith. Envy, on the other hand, derives from the basic fact that so much of the spoils of life come from how we compare to others. It arises when another person possesses some trait or object that you want, and includes a mix of discontent, a sense of inferiority, and a frustration that may be tinged with resentment.”


We can be jealous of people and what we THINK they have and how it is somehow superior to our own situation. In reality how well do we really know the other persons true story? That sweet couple walking in the park holding hands may be taking their last stroll before he tells her he wants a divorce. That friend who is going to Vegas may be traveling to escape some family trouble she does not want to discuss.  Would I still be jealous knowing all of this?


As I thought on the aspect of envy I can honestly say that there are very few things that I envy – now. A few years back I was very envious of many things that other people had in their life. But now, I don’t feel that way. What is the difference? I finally found ME again. I quit trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be. I realized my own self worth. I quit counting everyone else’s blessings and started to count my own.


“Envy comes from people’s ignorance of, or lack of belief in, their own gifts.” – Jean Vanier


There will always be those who attempt to destroy your happiness but I think it is far sadder when we destroy our own by allowing negative emotions to control our lives. Why dwell on things we have no control over? Why compare what you have now with what you think others have or had? Why not chose to be happy and quit comparing? I know I have and can honestly say my life is better now than it has ever been.


I think Ralph Waldo Emerson says it best – Envy is Ignorance.

Can You Smell That?

It always amazes me how hearing a song can bring back a specific moment in time. I went to the Journey concert last night with my sister in law and we had a wonderful time.  With every song that was played, it took me back to some point in my adolescence.  Music can be the bridge between the present and past and I truly believe music can convey things that words alone cannot convey.

As I remembered these moments it seemed interesting to me that these memories were also accompanied by a strong sense of smell.  When I think back to my happiest moments in my childhood I cannot remember all the details but the one thing I can remember vividly are certain smells.  My grandmother’s house was always warm but it had the most amazing aroma when you walked in the door.  It was like a cross between chicken and noodles and apple pie.    When I smell tobacco and rubber/oil the presence of my father washes over like a tidal wave.  When I smell cow manure (I know gross) it reminds me of life in OK as a child.  

I have a very poor sense of smell in general and I cannot smell many things.  Skunks, bodily functions and natural gas escape my olfactory senses.  However I can smell people and I am not talking about their perfume or cologne.   Everyone seems to have their own scent.  I am not talking about foul, I have not showered in days odor, I am talking about that unique smell that everyone has.   My brother and mother smell the same to me.  My daughter and her father also have the same smell to me.  When Madison would get ill as a child, I could always tell when she had a fever because her scent became very different.  It is odd, however, I cannot for the life of me smell my son and that makes me rather sad.  I am guessing this is because he and I have the same smell.

These sudden rushes of memories are not always pleasant.  The smell of cherry reminds me of the fluoride I swallowed at the dentist office and I got very sick.  The smell of Captain Morgans transports me back a particular bar in OKC where I wound up tying my hair back with toilet paper and was dubbed Charmin for the rest of the evening.  

Regardless, I enjoy the times of reflection, good and bad.  I think my favorite smells in the entire world are: puppy breath, freshly mown grass and rain.  What smells make you remember?

Little Known Facts About Me . . .

I am trying to blog more regularly but there are times I have a difficult time coming up with a topic.  I usually try to make mental notes when something happens to make that a blog topic but when I actually have time to write, the note has disappeared.  So, I thought I would just list some random facts about me that most people probably do not know.

I think I have ADD as well as a mild case of OCD . . . or CDO (the letters should be in order).  Sadly, I am pretty sure I have passed these traits on to Andrew.  Maddie seems pretty normal thank God.

I have mild hearing loss in my right ear and when in loud, hectic places I tend to only hear all the background din and have to resort to some lip reading to make sure I understand what is said.  So, if you are ever talking to me and I turn my head slightly, I am not ignoring you, I am just trying to hear you.

My normal body temperature is around 96.7 degrees.  Both Madison and Andrew have average body temps that are similar to mine.  However, I tend to be very warmed natured – while most people are cold or cool . . . well, I feel like I have some type of internal oven blasting.  I have been this way since I was a little girl. 

I do not care for sweets.  I do not eat many things like ice cream, doughnuts, cakes, cookies or anything that requires syrup.  In fact, the smell of syrup makes me want to throw up.  I do however, have an unnatural love of french fries and chicken wings. 

I played basketball in high school.  While I am only 5’2”, I was very good at shooting 3 point shots and handling the ball.  I also played softball, golf and ran track.  

I have never sang karaoke.  Although, I have been caught on numerous occasions singing in my office.  

I prefer metal and old rock to country and pop.  

I always wanted to have 5 children . . . all boys so I could have my own basketball team.  I am thoroughly happy with my two wonderful children I have now.  

Growing up I was teased relentlessly because of my very curly hair.  I also sucked my thumb until I was 13 . . . which intensified the teasing.  

I have a fear of loosing all my teeth and have nightmares on a regular basis of this happening. 

Hope you have learned something new about me.  And if there is anything you want to know, all you have to do is ask . . . 

Go Quietly . . .

Recently I was asked if I could go back in time to just one point and do it all over again, would I and what point would it be? This is a tricky question but I love things that really make my wheels turn.

Most people would assume I would go back and take away the decision to marry. If I chose to say no to Clifton, then I would not have my two beautiful children. Even though our marriage did not make it, I genuinely think he is a good person. While my second marriage has left me scarred more than I could ever imagine, I would not go back and say no to that either. The same actions that resulted in the scars have also allowed me to grow in a way I would never have been able to do on my own.

There are times I can remember such as car accidents, too much to drink, that awful dress I wore to the Snow Ball in high school or wasting a week on preparing a report that never was sent out because it deemed “Not Needed After all”. But these seem trivial and not worthy of my only time travel experience.

There is only one time I can really think of that would justify revisiting. There was a certain man in my past who should have been one of those people that you admire and look up to. He was a man of “authority” but he was also a man of many demons it would seem. While I made a stand for myself against him, ultimately I was asked by “the powers that be” to keep it quiet and he would be taken care of swiftly as to not cause any embarrassment to myself or the school. I stayed quiet and he moved on to another school, where he ultimately ended up doing the same thing to other girls. In the end, he ended up at two difference schools and at some point served some time in the pokey where I can only hope he received his just deserts.

Now, I am not saying I would go back in time to take away what he did to me. I am saying I would go back in time but not allow him to go quietly. Why? Because apparently that is how we got him – the girl (s) before me stayed quiet. Had I chosen to speak up maybe I would have been the last one.

So, if you ever wonder why I am not the “quiet” type . . . well, I have tried that and I find that speaking up is better for everyone. Sometimes the truth may not be easy to say or hear but it is better to be truthful than allow the lie to continue . . .

9-11

Today is a hard day for America.  I lived in Dallas when the towers went down.  I was at work gathered in the conference room with my coworkers and we all sat in silence and watched as the second plane hit the tower.  My kiddos were very young at the time and were at daycare.  Their father was leaving that morning to fly to Washington to visit his brother.  I tried to call him to make sure he was okay and at least on his way but for over an hour I could not get in touch with him.  I knew his plane was not taken but it made me think of all those poor children who were going to be without their mothers and fathers or sisters and brothers.  How heart breaking to have the footage of their death out there for the entire world to see - over and over again.   I ended up picking Cliff up at the airport that day then I went and picked up the kids from daycare.  I remember just wanting to hug them and never let them go.  

I am sure that we all take a second look now when we see a plane in the sky and we all remember that infamous day.  I pray for those who lost someone.  I pray that we as a nation will never have to face something of that nature again.  My heart is heavy today and I pray for peace - let us all remember what is truly important in this crazy world.  

He loves me, He loves me not . . .

Recently someone asked me if I believed in true love. Now, for most people this answer should be easy but for me it takes a lot of thought. After much consideration I have to say, Yes, I believe in true love. I believe it is possible . . I choose to believe it is possible . . .I need to believe it is possible.


I think the biggest issue we face in finding true love is the fact most people are “in love” with the idea of being “in love” and they try to force it. There is an old country song with the lyrics “if it don’t come easy you gotta let it go….” I am a firm believer in this philosophy. Do not get me wrong, I know there will be conflict and things couples will need to work out, but if your relationship consists of constantly working things out rather than just being together there is a problem.

I also believe people force “true love” because they are tired of being alone or they feel lonely. I am not afraid to be alone; in fact, I look forward to my alone time. Being single for so long has not been overly difficult on me. I have my children to keep me busy and company but there are time I would welcome that special someone to share things with and I feel the sense of “lonely” creep in. However, one of the worst feelings in the world is crawling into bed at night, pulling up the covers and feeling a deep sense of loneliness and a void that splits your soul while lying next to your spouse.

To quote The Notebook . . . “It is the possibilities that keep us going, not the guarantee”. When we are guaranteed something, we ultimately end up taking it for granted and not working to maintain that which is already ours. I look forward to the possibility of true love . . .

Snake in the Grass . . .

I am not sure which I find more disappointing. The fact that a woman who is so insecure with herself and her relationship that she spews insults and rolls her eyes at the mention of my name or the fact she is likely going to be the step mother of my children.

I am not sure why this sudden dislike occurred. When I lived in Austin she and I would talk, email and were friends on Facebook. Then when I moved here . . . well suddenly I become the antichrist. For me, I could honestly care less if she likes me. I have never been one to base my self worth on what others think about me. However, when her petty and childish outbursts start to affect my children I begin to have a very big problem with such behavior.

The one thing I learned a long time ago, especially when you are going to be blending a family, is that under no circumstances do you ever say anything negative or derogatory about the other parent or step parent. It is not healthy for the children and in the end it is not healthy for your relationship. I personally think that this is common sense but then again, those who feel they are highly educated are often void of the common sense gene. Not only does it make you look bad but in the end it will end up driving a wedge in the relationship of the kids and their father.

I am hoping this conduct will come to and end or at a bare minimum will not occur in front of my children in the future. She can vent all she wants to her soon to be spouse and I have actually given her the open opportunity to vent to me directly. However, like most cowards, she would prefer to direct her venom on the innocent. But rest assured, if it happens again, she will be dealing with me, whether she wants to or not.

Okay, I feel much better . . .

This post was edited slightly to ensure credibility

These Kids and Their Questions . . . .

I like to think my children and I have a very open and honest relationship with each other. They know they can come to me and ask me any question and I will answer it to the best of my ability no matter what the subject matter. I do tend to edit the answers to be age appropriate. And I do admit, on a few occasions I have had to “get back to you on that one” because I either had to Google the answer of just regain my composure. Andrew tends to be the most inquisitive and has asked me to explain things such as dry humping and where the term douche bag came from and “exactly what is a douche?”


Andrew and I went to dinner about a week ago and we were discussing every from school and girls to the current state of NFL football. As we were walking out of the restaurant he said “Mom, I want to ask you and question and this could possible be me the most important question I ever ask you”. Inwardly I thought I was about to go insane because Andrew has no reservations and will ask anything. Outwardly I attempted to appear calm and cool. As we walked, Andrew took my hand and said in his most calm and concerned voice, “Mom, do you know the Muffin Man . . . “ I just busted out laughing . .. and almost cried from relief.

Then Madison and I were watching a show the other night and the phrase ‘kill two birds with one stone” was mentioned. Madison looks at me and says “I don’t get it mom, they say you can kill two birds with one stone . . . but how many times can you throw that one stone?” Umm . . . I have no idea.

Rome was NOT built in a day . . . nor was this wall . . .

So a few days ago I was talking to a friend who questioned why I was not dating or seeing anyone since it has been two years since the end of my marriage. I answered the same as I answer everyone else that asks me the same question. I just simply do not feel the need to nor do I really go out and meet new people. I have a busy life that is full of love from friends and family and I am blessed with two of the best kiddos anyone could ask for. But this answer did not suffice . . . she thinks that I have to miss having that “someone” to talk to and the affection and communication that goes into a relationship. Admittedly, I dream at night of having someone to talk to that understands the trials of raising a teenage daughter and pre-pubescent boy and some affection every now and then would be nice. At which point she comes to the grand conclusion that I have built a wall around me and the only ones allowed past said wall are a few of my closest friends and family.

I have heard this “put up a wall” comment a lot. But I have never really thought about it that much until lately. I think I would agree there is one hell of a wall around me . . . but I did not put it there. Rather, I think it was formed for the most part over my entire marriage. All of the “stones” that were thrown at me over those nine years telling me how no matter I did, I was wrong or never good enough, how my manner of dress or speaking were not up to par or no matter how much I gave and tried it was never enough. How I was always too hard or way too easy on the kids and the fact he made more money automatically made him superior. Well those stones which were thrown to tear me down so he could rebuild me into what he thought was the ideal wife actually just tore me down. And as those stones chipped away at ME that is what formed the wall. Then it was cemented into place with lie upon lie.

I am not a man hater and I do believe in love. I just don’t understand why people think you have to have a man in your life to be complete. I have wonderful men in my life – God, my daddy, my brother and my son. I have some of the greatest friends, male and female, that anyone could ever ask for. I am healthy, I am happy and I am ME again. I do hope to meet someone some day . . but I am not pushing it. All good things come to those who wait and I am not afraid to be alone with myself because I actually like who I am.

What's My Vibe?

Well . . . a few blogs back I wrote about dating tips for me . . . and at that time, early January, I honestly thought an attempted mauling in the parking lot was probably about as bad as a “first date” could get. Boy, was I wrong.


I signed back up on Match.com because, in all honesty, I just don’t go out anywhere to meet single people. I have my kiddos with me the majority of the time so we do a lot of family things and all of my friends are married and apparently, so are all of their friends. So, I thought wheat the hell . . .I will give it another try.

Now, I met a really nice guy but found out he is not divorced . . in fact he was not even close to being divorced. He had only been separated from his wife a month at best . . so I passed on that lovely situation.

Then, I met the marine. The few, the proud the angry, resentful and bitter. OMG! Right off the bat the guy starts asking me if I am into “anal” . . really? Let me answer this with a big HELL NO! Then the next day when I do not answer his text within 15 minutes, he starts throwing a little texting temper tantrum . . to which I do not respond because my kids are with me and really, at this point I am somewhat disturbed. So, finally, I call him and told him I did not think it would be a good idea for us to see each other – EVER AGAIN and not to call me. And to his credit, he did not call but he has blown up my phone with text messages that contain vulgarity that would make a sailor blush. However I believe he has given up – thank God.

Finally, this past weekend I was invited out for a drink or the opportunity to “burn one” with a seemingly nice gentleman. I am not a judgmental personal and if you want to burn one, go right ahead, but I think I will sit out.
So, needless to say I will not ever, EVER, go back on match.com. And it is possible I need to work on my vibe that I am throwing out – because I do not want to be giving out the “anal pot smoker” vibe. I would rather give off the – I am nice, stable and not crazy vibe . . .

Today is NOT the day . . .

So after a great weekend, I had one shitty Monday.  Really, everything that could go wrong went wrong.  Work was stressful and I feel like I am beating my head against the wall with certain things.  I come home at lunch to let my dogs out and of course they had made a horrible mess.  I go back to work and beat my head against the same freaking wall and stayed an hour late to get things done.  Then I head home.  The kids are fighting, Madison won’t eat the dinner I fix and again . . . I feel like I am beating my head against the wall.  Everything seems to be a complete fight today . . . This is the hardest part of being a single parent.  On days like today there is no one here to help take on some of the load.  I have to be the provider, launderer, the chef, the scheduler and when things go wrong I have to be the person to shell out the discipline and then the one to comfort them 5 minutes later . . . even when they are still pissed off at me.  I know they say God only gives you what you can handle but I seriously think God over estimates my abilities these days . . .

Dating Tips For me . . .

So I met a guy for a drink the other night – I do not call this a “date” because it only lasted about an hour and I was ready to leave 15 minutes into the entire thing. First, I am not sure I am cut out to date the true “Dallas” type person. I was country born and country raised and I am pretty darn sure I have a different outlook on things than most of these wannabe millionaires.


So I have decided to come up with a list of “DON’TS” for a first date with me ( and I am gonna go ahead say this would probably apply to most ladies in general).

1. You do not know me well enough 5 minutes in to the first meeting to even attempt to hold my hand. So don’t try. And if you somehow get my hand in yours and I rip it away like you have the plague – take the sign.

2. Please do not bash your ex wife on the fist date. I realize there were issues – that is why you are divorced. But calling her names, insulting her intelligence and/or criticizing her in any way only makes you look like the douche bag you are.

3. I do not want to hear about your sex life or lack there of on the first meeting. Hell, I am a born again virgin at 19 months and there is no way your finding that out until MUCH later on.

4. Do not attempt or ask me to change my “visitation schedule” with my children in the mere hope of spending more time with me. If I want to spend time with you – I will but attempting to change that facet of my life is a big HELL NO.

5. If you are going to insist on walking me to my car, be a gentleman. Do NOT attempt to maul me in the parking lot. If I wanted to kiss you, you will definitely know – and by the way genius, if I have already torn my hand out of your freaking bear claw grip go ahead and make the assumption you are not getting a kiss.

Okay – there you go. I think these are common sense issues – I just wish there were more common men out there.