Surprisingly He Repels the Ladies . . .

I had lunch with my son yesterday. I am not sure what it is about having your mom show up at school that is so exciting for a child but apparently it is something all children in 5th grade or below look forward too. At first I thought it was because I often brought in yummy food like Chick Fil A or Whataburger but on occasion I have tested this theory by “surprising” Andrew and just showing up and sitting with him for 15 or 20 while he eats his school bought lunch or the packed lunch from home. He is as equally thrilled with my presence either way. Madison was the same.

Lunch rooms have not really changed much since I was a child. They still have those tiny tables and small seats. The food at the current school, however, is very good. I have eaten lunch with Andrew more times this year than any other just because I can get a good lunch for $2.85 – and that includes a drink! I often check out the lunch menu in the morning to see if they are having the Philly cheese steak sandwich or the chicken salad sandwich. Andrew’s favorite is pasta day because they have these great bread sticks. And everyday you can buy ice cream . . . I admit, I also check out the food other kids bring to school to eat because I get so bored of packing a sandwich or Chef Boyardee all the time and believe there are some interesting things being pulled out of those lunch boxes.

I love to sit and watch the kids with each other and listen to some unusual conversations – like what super power is most supreme verses low or high tip converse shoes – fad or ultimate fashion statement. As Andrew and I sat eating lunch yesterday, I noticed a new kid at our table. I asked who he was and Andrew informed me his name was Nick. I told Andrew I thought Nick was adorable. Andrew leans over to me and says “yeah, but mom surpisingly he just repels the ladies”. He states this as a fact and I ask “why does he repel the ladies” and Andrew says he doesn’t know why, but most of the girls just tend to shy away from him. At this point I look back over a cute little Nick – he has torn open a pack of fruit gushers and instead of picking them up and placing them in his mouth, he is attempting to shove the entire pack of gushers in his mouth at once by sucking them from the opening in the package. It was not at all cute and to be honest a bit gross.

So, I learned two things yesterday at lunch. First, cute little boys can repeal the ladies and secondly, do not send Fruit Gushers to school.

I Like Lists

So I was thinking . . . I know that in itself is a scary thought, but I like to make lists. In fact, I live by lists: packing lists, to do lists, grocery lists and my favorite Christmas lists! So I thought I would put together a list of Shelly’s rules for most anything.

1. Being raised Baptist there were many “rules” that were forced on my person. I am obviously not the submissive, stay at home at home, barefoot and pregnant type . .. well maybe barefoot but that is a technicality. But there is one rule that I do live by – not matter your age, your size, your color or your religion you never, ever leave the house without a bra. And the fact people are often traipsing about without panties is utterly unthinkable to me - I am talking to you Brittany Spears and all you weirdo's at Wal Mart.

2. Always tell the truth – one of my best and worst faults is that I am honest . . . even if your friend asks you if something looks okay or if you can see her underwear through the white pants . . you tell her the truth. I live by this rule because I would rather have someone tell me that my ass looks five ax handles wide or that I have a huge chunk of spinach in my teeth so that I may fix the problem rather than walking around looking like a complete dork.

3. There are some great “quick tips” out there – like if you lose the back to your earring you could use an eraser or if you do not have baking powder you can use baking soda and cream of tater instead. However, the quick tip on freezing leftover wine in ice trays to use in soups or marinades later is utterly ridiculous . . I mean seriously . . . who has left over wine? Just drink the damn wine. Which leads me to this tip – do not have left over wine. . . either drink it or share it. This also applies to beer.

4. For most situations, begging for forgiveness is easier than asking for permission. This is genuinely helpful in situations that may tax the “intestinal fortitude” of certain individuals of decision making positions. If you have the moxy to try it and it fails . . well beg for forgiveness - if it is a success . . .well then you get credit for being brave. However, there are certain situations where this practice is NEVER acceptable: fidelity to one’s spouse, tax evasion and fessing up to your allegiance to a particular NASCAR driver.

5. This one relates back to rule number 1. Just because you should wear a bra does not mean that everyone on God’s green earth should be able to see it while you are clothed. This includes straps and those cute little bras that tend to peek out of low cut shirts or daringly low cut sweaters and vests. If I want to see a bra I will look at my own – thank you.

6. We live in America people and I am pretty darn sure almost every home has running water . . . so please shower or bathe at least every other day. Why is it that I can walk past people in the store and almost be knocked down by what can only be 3-5 day body odor? I completely get the “going green” and “conserve water” theories but seriously – going green does not mean to grow green things upon your person.

7. Eat dinner together as a family . . . now, I know this one seems a bit old fashioned but I seriously think the best way to keep up with what your children or other family members are doing is to actually talk to them. I make my kids sit down and eat dinner with me every single night and now they actually like to help with the cooking . . . OMG the torture my poor children must go through!

Okay – so that is all I have right now . . . if I come up with more I will blog them later . . . Hope you have a wonderful weekend.