Pardon me but your breast is hanging out . . .

When I woke up this morning my first thought was “When did I start smoking again?” I smoked for almost 12 years and quit about 8.5 years ago. Anyway, I quickly realized that I had not started smoking again but had frequented a night club outside Austin City Limits. If you are inside the city limits there is no smoking in public places but Cool River aka “The Meat Market” is in Round Rock and therefore smoking is allowed inside in designated areas only. Now, in my opinion having a smoking section inside a building is kinda like having a peeing section in a swimming pool.

My experience at Cool River was one of horror, amazement and complete hilarity. I have not been out dancing with the girls in probably 12 years or so. Heck, I have been to a bar like that since college. My cohorts got there first and I have to tell ya – these girls LOVE to dance. I am more of a two-stepping kinda girl, but when the band broke out with some “Pour Some Sugar On Me” you know I hit the dance floor.

However, what truly amazes me is this – I am guessing 85% of the women in that bar ages 21 to 55 broke MY cardinal rule. Now, I can actually see why the 21 year olds may think it is okay to leave the house without a bra but I can under no circumstances see why someone over the age of 26 would dream of it – unless of course the wares are after market accessories and I did not see any of those. For goodness sake women – please invest in a strapless bra or at the bare minimum some pasties! I know you think that halter-top has the ability to lift and separate but cotton stretches, the knot comes loose and you end up just hanging out all over the place. I saw more nipples last night than I do when walking down the baby bottle isle at the grocery store. And they only comment I will make on the teeny tiny mini skirts is please – put on some panties or wax.

Secondly, the men who stand around the dance floor for their viewing pleasure really creep me out. I watched two guys who scoped the dance floor out for about 10 minutes and then they would jump out there and start dancing. It was not difficult to figure out their grand (mating) plan – they looked for the woman/women who appeared to be the most trashed and were in need of assistance of not falling on their ass. This gives the said vultures the grand opportunity to bump, grind and grope at will.

All in all it was grand fun and I cannot wait to go out with the girls again – but this time I will suggest someplace inside Austin city limits . . . I wonder if any have a No shirt, No bra, No service policy?

I give that dive an A for effort - now give me my meds.

I have officially become closer to 40 than my mid 30’s. I came to this conclusion tonight after a play session with Charlie ( my new rescue dog)and attempting to get up off the floor. My knees hurt, my lower back feels as if someone has vise grip on it and as usual, my ankles pop loud enough to startle the dog or wake a sleeping baby. Actually, when my little ones were very little, I did not walk out of the room after putting them down to sleep. Rather I shuffled my feet along the carpet without bending my ankles at all because when I first start walking my ankles pop so loud they actually woke up my new born infants
Anyway, I have been struggling for a few weeks now. At first I blamed it on the move. You know packing boxes, hauling boxes upstairs, running from the neighbor because you don’t have a bra on – those types of things. But the soreness never really went away. So, then I blamed it on my brother, Monty. Which I guess technically is was not his fault but I was at his house last weekend. Then the “kid” who was on the dive team for TCU was teaching Andrew how to do back flips and for some darn reason the phrase “I can do that” came out of my mouth and of course I had to try to do a back flip off the dive board. Now, I did not really get it on my first try, nor my second, third . . . eighth – you get the picture. But I talked myself into believing that the reason my body parts hurt was directly correlated to the back/butt/side/ head busters I ended up doing in my brother’s pool – or of course there is the fact the dive board has very little spring to it and I obviously need some spring.
Then tonight I had to refill my “pill box” (yes, I have a pill box broken down into AM/PM for all types of stuff that should make me live forever) and I realized that I have not been taking my glucosamine for almost 3 weeks now! Which really excited me for about a minute. I am not old! I am not hurting because I tried to do back flips off an un-bouncy board – I just have not taken my meds . . . OMG – I am old.