So, I am in the kitchen making dinner and I hear the normal sounds coming from the living room, TV monologues, chatter between my two children and Charlie growling and yipping at one of his squeaky toys. These are the sounds that are music to my ears – mainly because there is no fighting or blood curdling screams. I was content until I hear Andrew say “Hey Maddie, wanna watch me spank the monkey?”
At this point my little sense of euphoria goes right out the window. I quickly step into the door way to see what is going on and to my relief Andrew is showing her something on the computer . . . at first I am relieved that he is not in fact “spanking” anything. Then the feeling of doom comes again – what in the world is on the computer because the kids are laughing really hard. Now my mommy sense tells me that if it were something sexual, they would not be laughing they would be asking me a million questions. So I stroll over and see a game on the screen. There is a huge monkey and the object of the game is to “slap” him so hard that he reaches a speed of 200MPH. That was it. I once again resumed my station in the kitchen and finished dinner. I wonder if they have a game called “choke the chicken”?
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
The Tooth Fairy
At 5:00 am this morning my son crawled into bed with me and said the 7 words that make all parents cringe in horror. “Mom, the tooth fairy did not come”. Normally, I am not the most alert person as 5:00 am but these words sent my adrenalin production into overdrive. How in the world could the stupid tooth fairy forget to show up? I am pretty sure this would put me in the running for worst mother of the year so I had to devise a plan.
Andrew and I started talking about the rain how it could have possibly delayed the arrival. I mean the weather can back up air ports for hours and hours so why not the tooth fairy? I also pointed out that since he got up soooo early, it could be possible that he just got up before she was able to make her stop. His last name does begin with a “T” which would put him at the end of her route. But he quickly added that since my last name begins with an “M” she should have gone by name rather than his. This spared a debate on does the tooth fairy go by the parent or the child? This was buying me all kinds of time!!!
My brain was beginning to form a plan on how to get the money in there and not destroy the innocence of my child. Then Andrew drops the bomb on me – “You know what I think mom, I think the tooth fairy didn’t come because you came in late (I had a massage appointment last night and got back around 9:30) and you forgot I lost my tooth”. OMG – now to me this is a difficult situation – do I fess up or try to keep the tooth fairy alive. I mean seriously, how much longer can he actually believe some person sneaks into his room at night and pays him for a tooth? But if I fess up on the tooth fairy, I can kiss Santa and the Easter Bunny away too and I do LOVE playing Santa. So, I did what any decent parent would do – I looked my loving little boy straight in the eye and lied like a dog!
After a very convincing speech on how the toothy fairy was real which included references to air, God and the perfect man, the things we cannot see but still believe in anyway, he seemed halfway okay with the notion. At this point, I suggest we take Charlie downstairs to go potty. As I do most mornings, I grabbed my phone and acted like I was checking my messages but I was actually pulling my wallet out to get some cash. And of course the ONLY bill I have in my wallet is a $10. I never realized how much this little slip up would actually cost me. So, by this point I stuff the $10 in my waist band and walk onto the back porch where Andrew is trying to talk Charlie into going out in the rain to go tinkle. Thank you God!!! I realize this is my chance. I told Andrew I had to go potty myself and I would be right back. As soon as I got in the door I ran like I stole something. Once I get into Andrew’s room I reach for the money and it is gone –it had fallen out of my waistband. I found it on the stairs – I grab the tooth, lay out the money out and head back down stairs. My goal was to completely jump over the last two steps – but it was dark and I have short legs and the grace of a duck, so I half way hit the last step, stumble and run smack into the front door, where Andrew finds me. And he says “Mom, what are you doing?” I said “Ummmm, I checking to see if our new flowers on the front porch are getting any of this rain water or if we need to water them”. He believed me!!!!!!! Woo hoo. So we check the flowers and then walk back into the kitchen - I get coffee and we head back upstairs.
Andrew likes to sit with me while I get ready for work. We have some of our most meaningful conversations at this time so we once again begin to discuss the tooth fairy. I asked him if he had checked the ground . . . maybe she left him money and it fell behind the desk since his fan was on . . . You should have seen the spark in the kid’s eye! He walked back in a few moments later holding a $10 bill and a look of utter amazement and confusion on his face. I’m not sure if he was perplexed on how the money got there or the fact he got a $10 for his tooth. In all honesty, probably the best $10 I have spent in a very long time . . .
Andrew and I started talking about the rain how it could have possibly delayed the arrival. I mean the weather can back up air ports for hours and hours so why not the tooth fairy? I also pointed out that since he got up soooo early, it could be possible that he just got up before she was able to make her stop. His last name does begin with a “T” which would put him at the end of her route. But he quickly added that since my last name begins with an “M” she should have gone by name rather than his. This spared a debate on does the tooth fairy go by the parent or the child? This was buying me all kinds of time!!!
My brain was beginning to form a plan on how to get the money in there and not destroy the innocence of my child. Then Andrew drops the bomb on me – “You know what I think mom, I think the tooth fairy didn’t come because you came in late (I had a massage appointment last night and got back around 9:30) and you forgot I lost my tooth”. OMG – now to me this is a difficult situation – do I fess up or try to keep the tooth fairy alive. I mean seriously, how much longer can he actually believe some person sneaks into his room at night and pays him for a tooth? But if I fess up on the tooth fairy, I can kiss Santa and the Easter Bunny away too and I do LOVE playing Santa. So, I did what any decent parent would do – I looked my loving little boy straight in the eye and lied like a dog!
After a very convincing speech on how the toothy fairy was real which included references to air, God and the perfect man, the things we cannot see but still believe in anyway, he seemed halfway okay with the notion. At this point, I suggest we take Charlie downstairs to go potty. As I do most mornings, I grabbed my phone and acted like I was checking my messages but I was actually pulling my wallet out to get some cash. And of course the ONLY bill I have in my wallet is a $10. I never realized how much this little slip up would actually cost me. So, by this point I stuff the $10 in my waist band and walk onto the back porch where Andrew is trying to talk Charlie into going out in the rain to go tinkle. Thank you God!!! I realize this is my chance. I told Andrew I had to go potty myself and I would be right back. As soon as I got in the door I ran like I stole something. Once I get into Andrew’s room I reach for the money and it is gone –it had fallen out of my waistband. I found it on the stairs – I grab the tooth, lay out the money out and head back down stairs. My goal was to completely jump over the last two steps – but it was dark and I have short legs and the grace of a duck, so I half way hit the last step, stumble and run smack into the front door, where Andrew finds me. And he says “Mom, what are you doing?” I said “Ummmm, I checking to see if our new flowers on the front porch are getting any of this rain water or if we need to water them”. He believed me!!!!!!! Woo hoo. So we check the flowers and then walk back into the kitchen - I get coffee and we head back upstairs.
Andrew likes to sit with me while I get ready for work. We have some of our most meaningful conversations at this time so we once again begin to discuss the tooth fairy. I asked him if he had checked the ground . . . maybe she left him money and it fell behind the desk since his fan was on . . . You should have seen the spark in the kid’s eye! He walked back in a few moments later holding a $10 bill and a look of utter amazement and confusion on his face. I’m not sure if he was perplexed on how the money got there or the fact he got a $10 for his tooth. In all honesty, probably the best $10 I have spent in a very long time . . .
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