Promises VS Reality

So usually my blogs are full of funny stories about my kids and my dog. But I do have a serious side. Many of you know that I recently divorced and I have been through some tough times over the past year. It has been a journey of a lot of self reflection and I have learned much about myself.

I did what I think many people do. I fell in love with someone who promised me the moon but was never able to deliver even the basics of a good and healthy relationship. Sometime I think we get so caught up in the promise we forget to look at the reality. Promises are easy to make . . . but life is what we do every single day. Promises are nice for things we want … a beach house, a new car or that ultimate vacation. Promises should never revolve around our everyday life . . . the ability to communicate, to be better with the kids/family or even to simply spend time with one another.

I read something today that really hit me hard because I realized it was exactly what I had done. Here is the quote: If one settles for a less than pleasing relationships out of the fear of being single and the longing to be a couple, once the relationships falter, the result will be a life full of heartaches. If choosing to remain in the relationship, it will certainly lead to living a life that is not the one truthfully desired..

I wanted so badly to believe in the promises that I kept overlooking the glaring truth. Of course in the end there was the preverbal “straw that broke that camel’s back” but looking back . . . I realized I simply settled. I settled for being someone’s option rather than their priority.

I am writing in part to get this out of my system and part in hopes of that it may help someone else not to make the same mistake I made. So here is my list of things I will insist on when I finally decide to start dating again . . . however I don’t think that will be for while.

1. You must be able to communicate and share your thoughts, feelings and needs. I am not a mind reader and a true relationship must have the ability to communicate. There should never be a topic that is deemed “off limits”.

2. You must show affection. There should be touches, hand holding, kisses and caresses just because . . .

3. You must be dependable. Yes, this means you should be able to hold down a job and help to provide for a family. . . . but dependability goes much further. You should be willing to help out with everyday chores and events. You should be willing to spend time with your family . . . school events, outings with the children, family events and things other than the yearly vacation.

4. Trust – I should not worry about leaving the kids with you. You should put my feelings before others. I should be able to talk to you without fear that you will be mad . . . I should never have to walk on egg shells. I should not worry about what you might bring home from a work trip or night out with the boys – be it an article of clothing that does not belong to you or some communicable disease.

5. You must love me for who I am. Please do not try to change me. I am from Oklahoma and I do speak with a tad bit of an accent . . . I do have sayings that are not always common to others. I like to work in the yard and my nails may not always be manicured perfectly and I have curly, often frizzy hair. My past and all that I have experienced makes me who I am today. I am not perfect, I will disappoint you at sometime for some reason, but that is not personal, that only means I am human.

6. You must realize that I LOVE animals and I will always cry when I see the HSUS or SPCA commercials on TV. I will always choose to adopt a pet rather than buy one with a pedigree. And I honestly think dogs are often a better judge of character than most people.

7. You must be willing to go out and do things I like to do. I will go with you to do things you like and all I ask is that on occasion we go to see a Broadway play or to listen to live music or dancing.

8. Understand that I like to have alone time . . . this does not mean I do not like/love you. This just means that I need time to decompress.

9. I am goofy . . . I like to have fun. This does not mean I am not serious about life or work. But it does mean that on occasion, I turn the music up loud and dance around the house with my kids, I may pass gas just get a laugh from my family and practical jokes are things to be admired.

10. Finally, remember, I am a female. I have the ability to mow the lawn, fix almost anything wrong with my car and I love most sports and can probably beat you in basketball and golf. However, I am a girl; I may cry and get upset over things that seem silly to you. And just because I have the ability to do all of the above . . . does not mean I don’t need or want your help with them . . .

Okay, so that is my list and I know I will probably be adding to it . . . in the end . . . I want all my friends to know . . . NEVER settle for less than what you want . . . NEVER settle for less than what you need . . . We all deserve to be happy . . . and remember promises are nice but life is real . . . so live your life to the fullest.