I may be going to hell in a handbasket.... or via the delete button

I have come to the realization that I am likely going to be sent to hell for being judgmental. Against my better judgment, I signed up on an internet dating site. I did this first because one of my girlfriends is on one  and one drunk night when I was feeling especially alone, I thought WTF? I also did this because I was morbidly curious to what these sites are all about and lastly, I wanted to see what type of men out there are looking for a girl like me.

Well, apparently 98% of the men out there are freaks. After the first few weeks of browsing my picks for the day and closing or deleting them from my list, I decided to change my criteria somewhat. Now there are a few areas that I am not willing to negotiate with. Number one, you need to speak English. Number two, you need to be as old as or older than me. Number three, you need to like children and animals. Number four, you need to like football, basketball, baseball and NASCAR and you need to really like a wide range of music. Finally, you need to be fun and like to drink – no Debbie Downers allowed.

But no matter how much I broaden my criteria, there still seems to be NO ONE in my stupid Interested List. Then I figured out the problem – ME! I am so judgmental – I was deleting people because of things like: improper use of "there, their and they’re" or other grammatical errors such as run on sentences, incorrect spelling etc. I was not an English major but come on people, basic grammar should be learned by Jr High. Also, I am deleting people if they list their favorite activities as: camping, motorcycles or boating. I realize being from Oklahoma most people typically think that I would be into camping – uh not just no, but hell no. I need complete quiet, darkness and coldness when I sleep - also, I am not scared of bugs or spiders or anything like that but I don’t want to sleep with insects either. Motorcycles scare the crap out of me since my father and brother almost died in accidents and every time I get on a boat – I have a panic attack because I think back to my accident on the lake in 1991.

I also find myself deleting people who are too short – I am short but I like my guys on the bigger side. Preferably 6 foot or taller. I know, I am being picky but I am also being honest. I also delete people who look too much like my ex-husband (self explanatory), those who are into self discovery (I already have two children) and those who use phrases like “he,he” or who write like they are preparing for a thesis. If they dress like hobos or wear dress loafers with shorts and no socks, if they have glamour shots as their profile picture or if my kids look at the profile and the first phrase out of their mouth is “he scares me”, they get deleted.

I have, therefore, come to the conclusion that I am just not ready to date . . . or at a minimum, I am not ready to online date. I will not be renewing my membership and will rely on good old fashioned meeting someone in person. I suppose this means I will, on occasion, have to leave my house to go places other than work and the grocery store.